Age: “27 (pisces)”
(Did not ask what your sign is but thanks)
Location: “Arkansas, United States”
(is there another Arkansas?)”
(Too tall to try out for Little People Big World. Too short to ever be good at sports. Which is why I’m here).
Body Type: “Husky Big Boy.”
Languages: “English and if the lord strikes, in tongues…, ;)”
(What a sweetie with the smily face, I’m definitely in now).
Famous For: “Featured on TLC show.”
(Was this the feature on you molesting your sister?)
Status: “Married, and part of a high profile family that takes up a lot of my time.”
(Did I mention I was featured on TLC and molested my sisters? Fielding calls from reporters takes A LOT of time).
Employment: “Formerly on television, currently a lobbyist at the Family Research Council. Opinions here are solely mine, and fundamentally do no reflect their’s.”
Looking for: “White female and ideally your name started with a J.”
(Cuz my sister’s name is Jessica).
On a typical Friday night I am: “Preaching the importance of family values to people I fundamentally believe are lesser than me, recording robocalls describing the terror or trannies, or Scrabble with my wife and kids.”
(two of those things are not like the other)……